Phase

One of those school kid crushes. I think I held it for years. And I never did make the first move. He came in eventually. My friend tried to save me. Of course, I didn't listen. Do I ever in these situations? Actually....He couldn't have known that yet. I was just getting started....

Just a phase....And I want to forget....

I was running out of ideas. Thought I'd give love a try. Got lost in the mix-up, toss-up, throwing up when I got back. Giving him back every feeling I ever once held. Because I didn't want them anymore. Too heavy and most definitely not ready.

Just a phase....And I want to forget....

And I can listen to death metal. I can. And I will. I can hate everyone. The animosity bleeds out from under my eyelids. And everybody knows it.

Just a phase....And I want to forget....

He tells me that he lied. I want to know why he's disclosing this now. I want to know. Just like I always want to know everything. I want to tell him it's OK. But I've already changed. And I want to take him in my arms. Slowly smooth his hair....And tear his limb from limb; rip that beautiful face apart. Because I know I stated this several times before we ever even started. I only asked for one thing.

"Don't lie to me."

He took that offer and ran with it. Ran straight down my throat. Sometimes I can still feel the footprint scars and the pain that accompanies them....I try to not make such stupid requests anymore....I want to know why I changed for another. I only make one promise to myself these days.

Never again.

But, as always....

Just a phase....And I want to forget....

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But what will I remember?